There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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