if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
