i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Semen is not good for contacts.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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