I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
