I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
