just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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