im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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