I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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