i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
