I heard we made out
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize