Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
This is the high leading the old right now
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
