I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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