I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
