rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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