I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
