:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
