so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I wish there were birth control emojis
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
