we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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