I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
