What a dumb baby whore.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
