It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
