i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We were destined to go to rehab together
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize