OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
