Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
