He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
