He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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