You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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