Nicole vs. Life
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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