Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
