wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
vagina is talking i cant
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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