Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
