I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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