So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
