So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
