Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
