i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
