He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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