My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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