I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
