it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
