If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
