it was like his penis was on wheels.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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