I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
In America we eat man semen.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
