Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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