You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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