I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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