I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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