just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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