Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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