If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize