i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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