My Higher Power is John Stamos
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
