ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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