ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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