i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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