o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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