Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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