He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
