C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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