I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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