We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
