Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
